in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
