I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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