My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize