..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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