I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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