I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
