i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
