I smell stomach acid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
