its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
