Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
