Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
