and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
