You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
