I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize