You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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