i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
