One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
