Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
