He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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