Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
