her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
