Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
