WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
