Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
