i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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