I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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