i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I looked at my own cervix.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have feelings that need drinking.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
