dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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