Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
