Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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