Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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