wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize