im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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