When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
