Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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