I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
