I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
