Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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