You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
