i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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