I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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