He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
