curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
