u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
