he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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