i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
