Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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