So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
