I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
