So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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