I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
