this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if only i could text you this smell
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
