Do you still have your period?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
