is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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