3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
