the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
