Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
