Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
