What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize