She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My feet surprised me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
