Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize