I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
