I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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