My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
