Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
