i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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