I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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