if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
