I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
