The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
