sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
