I'm so fucking centered right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
