I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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