remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
