Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
