I want to have your abortion
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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