just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
