We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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